Ugh. I know he's right, but man, it's frustrating! It's incredibly frustrating to be lucid enough to know you aren't quite in your right mind. I don't like this waiting game. I don't like feeling things very strongly, and yet knowing because of past experiences that my feelings will change as the drugs build up in my brain. Sigh.
I don't know why God has decided not to deliver me from this. It's definitely not due to lack of begging on my part. I do trust Him though, completely. I know He has His reasons and I know that I might never be able to understand those reasons fully. That's why He's God and I'm not.
Think of it this way: if you had a broken leg, would you pray for the leg to be instantly healed? Probably not, you'd go to the doctor, get it set, get a cast, wait weeks for the bones to regrow and knit together and during all that time you'd probably be hurting some. Your brain needs to heal, you need to do what you're doing: go to the doctor, get it set, get your meds, wait for the brain connections to regrow, and during all that time you're hurting. It's a healing process, it's just invisible and inside your head, so it's harder to see the progress; you can't just take an x-ray to see if it's done.
ReplyDeleteKeep up what you're doing, keep praying, and try to notice the blessings in your life, even though it's hard (for example--the awesome blessing of living in a time of modern medicine and feminine hygiene products!). Sometimes we have trials to make us stronger in the end, and sometimes we have trials to learn from them, sometimes we have trials so others can have opportunities to serve us. And sometimes it's all of these and more.
Look at the progress you HAVE made. You know what is happening. Sure beats the days when you thought what you were feeling WAS reality; doesn't it?
ReplyDelete