Today I'm taking a break from my tales of the looney bin to post some musings, some thoughts regarding depression and people's views of it. Today is a rough day for me. My depression is thick and suicidal thoughts bounce around in my head. I'm dizzy and it takes effort to make my body move. But I'm moving because I am determined to conquer this disease so that I, in turn, can help others rise above.
I have been struck by something on this journey. Depression holds a certain stigma among some Christians, but definitely not by all. Many, many of my brothers and sisters in Christ have pleasantly surprised me by coming alongside me, supporting me and building me up as I struggle with my depression. But I have been asked if my sorrow is a godly sorrow. And I have been counseled to turn from my sin. I am far from perfect and I know that some of the triggers of this depression come from struggling to surrender my will to God, but let me tell you something. When I am face down on the floor, sobbing my heart to God, telling Him He can have anything and everything He wants and begging Him to deliver me from this depression only to have my brain filled with thoughts of self-harm and self-hatred, when I have scoured the Bible for promises and held them near and dear in my heart and still have faced another day with absolutely no energy or will to live, you CANNOT tell me that it is because of the sin I harbor in my heart. If I could, I would give up everything I have, everything I own, everything I hold dear and sit on a street corner the rest of my life in exchange for a clear head and a renewed love for life! I don't know exactly why I am where I am today. I know that some of it is circumstantial and some of it is biological. But I urge you, please, before you condemn someone for something you do not understand, take the time to love them. Take the time to think before you speak and if nothing else, pray for them, because that will get them so much further than any judgment or condemnation ever could.
Personally, I think that anyone who would say that depression is a result of sin the one with the mental issues!! ((HUGEHUG)) Hang in there, sis. I love you!
ReplyDeleteDepression happens to people regardless of how deep their religious beliefs run - read of the despair of Mother Theresa. It is biological in origins. Those who would judge another because of an affliction are not worth your time or energy. Would they say my mother got cancer because she harbored some sin? Really? The Lord is there to help you deal with depression - just like He is there to help people deal with hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, or idiots who think they are in any position to judge another. I love you, Becca, and I wish there were a way to magically erase your worries. Just pray and accept love. Big hugs, Judy
ReplyDeleteLove you, dear.
ReplyDeleteThe old (as in years gone by) saints used to talk about the "dark night of the soul." Not sure exactly everything they meant, but from what they described I don't think it was pleasant at all. The fact that down through the centuries our forefaithers (spelling intended) also wrestled with deep soul agony and admitted they experienced it should silence those who think walking with Jesus should always be an "uplifting" experience.
Hang in there, one step at a time. You are NOT alone!
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
ReplyDeleteHe is giving you a unique opportunity to learn what it is like so that you may help others. God use everything, every situation and He knows you are strong enough (with Him) to USE this experience (as you are doing now.) You don't know who may stumble across this and know they aren't alone :-) It's not because you are weak but because you are strong.