PMS

I was going to say that today wasn't a good day, but I caught myself because I don't think there is such a thing as a "bad" day or a "good" day. There are days that are easy and days that are hard, but all days are good because we are alive and we are loved by the King Eternal, who works everything for our good. So no, today was not a bad day, but today was not an enjoyable day.
I'm tired. Not sleepy tired. Just life tired. I'm tired of feeling insecure. I'm tired of feeling angry. I'm tired of feeling like I'm about to break into tears all day long, but don't. I know what's going on. I know why I feel the way I do, but it's still frustrating. The physical component is especially frustrating because there is nothing I can do about it. I get terrible PMS, which is why I went on the pill back in April, only to remember in August, just before heading to the looney bin, that the pill has made me suicidal every single time I've taken it in the past. So I sit here hormone-pill free, and free of suicidal thoughts (thank you, Lord!), but the resulting physical pain and emotional drain is, like I said, frustrating. I suppose I should go back to the doctor and see if I have any other options to address this, but I'm SO sick of doctors and tests and medications. I should go though, while we still have insurance.
Anyway, when I don't feel well, I fall into the emotional trap of feeling like I'm worthless, like I'm not valuable as a wife/mother/friend. I know this will pass in a couple days and things will look up so I try not to take myself too seriously. And when I start telling myself that people will leave me because I'm tired/grumpy/moody/lazy/all of the above, I remind myself that I have the most incredible friends and family who stood by my side when I lost my mind and who will stand by my side and maybe even bring me chocolate when I feel like dirt. Love you guys!