New Beginnings

An unexpected result of recovery has taken place in me. It has created a certain restlessness, a searching for something, anything to occupy my mind and my time. For the last year, I have been attempting to survive, to make it through the day, to talk myself into living. I had no healthy dreams and no goals. My mind was so trapped in unhealthy thought patterns.

Now, as I heal, I find the obsessive thoughts calming down, and the desire to really LIVE again rising to the surface. With this comes a sense of bewilderment, of loss, because I don't really know what to do with myself. I have energy. I have time. I have dreams. I have interests, but all of these seem foreign to me and I'm not sure what to do with them right now. I want to go somewhere, to do something, but I don't know which direction I'm heading!
So for now, I'm pursuing the interests I know are real and genuine, like my desire to learn sign language. I'm diving into that, signing every chance I get, carrying my flash cards in my purse and signing to the kids when I know the signs of the words I'm speaking. I have no idea why God has placed this desire to learn in my heart, but it's strong and has been building over time, so I'm going with it :-). We shall see how He chooses to use it.
I'm also looking for social outlets. Church in the Park was my life for the last two years and while I still am incredibly passionate about CITP, and throw myself into it every chance I get, I am no longer in leadership there. I stepped down from clothing when I got sick and have opted not to take back my position in clothing because I feel God leading me to serve in other areas of Church in the Park. The fall back of that decision, however, is that my work in clothing provided me with my mid-week social contacts, when we sorted clothes, and when I did clothing pickups. Now I need to find another way to fill my need for social contact. I'm hoping to join a mid-week Bible study at either Big Valley Grace or Shelter Cove, but I'm not sure yet.
Right now, the world is my oyster, so many opportunities to choose from. Life is exciting and inviting and full of joy and beauty. Praise the Lord for second chances!