WOW! I came on here today because I wanted to type a new blog post, and instead ended up reading my last two posts. I sit here in awe because I was feeling really frustrated that I had slid back some, back into my anxiety over the last week, but then I read those posts and realized how far I have come in the last month and I can't help praising God for His goodness and faithfulness! I can't believe that only a month ago, my body was still giving me fits and I was unable to drive. Today, I don't give a second thought to whether or not I'll be able to walk, or whether I will go into a seizure. I am completely med free (except for a sleeping pill I took last night and the night before), and even though my depression and anxiety are still a huge part of my life, I am functional and can shove them aside for awhile when life demands it. Yesterday, I realized that a feeling I used to have regularly had returned. I don't know if I can describe it well enough for all of you to understand, but it's a feeling of restrained laughter, that at any moment, the laughter that is welling up inside my chest will come out in a full on burst of giggles :-).
It's funny, really, to look back over the last year and a half. If I had met me a year ago, I would think of myself as a very sad and depressed person, but truly, at my core, I am not. I love life with everything in me. But this year, the pain, guilt, shame and stress of life piled up on me so heavily that the laughter that lives inside of me got smothered. It is so nice to throw off the bricks of depression one or two at a time and give that joy some air again!