Eight weeks

Eight weeks. Eight weeks ago, I was locked up in a psychiatric ward on a 72 hour suicide watch. Eight weeks ago today, I had lost my will to fight and my desire to live. Eight weeks ago today, my world as I knew it changed forever.
It's been a rough road. A road of heartache, shame and brokenness. A road of panic, darkness and depression. A road of rejection, uncertainty, and fear. But here's some of what I learned. Through all of the pain, the tears and the heartache, I learned that my God loves me. Not a distant "I made you so I kind of have to love you" kind of love, but that He DEARLY loves me (Ephesians 5:1). I learned that no matter what people do to me, no matter who leaves me and forsakes me, God NEVER will, ever, no matter what. (Hebrews 13:5). I have also experienced Proverbs 18:24 first hand, that indeed, there are friends who stick closer than a brother. I now KNOW what it means to have this Treasure in jars of clay (2 Corinthians 4:7). And I know that I know that I know that there is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:28) and that includes certified nut jobs like ME!
Because I ended up in the looney bin, I learned not to hang my head in shame. Because I felt the shame of the psych ward, I discovered the pride of being a daughter of the High King. Because I hit rock bottom, I learned to sore on wings like eagles (Isaiah 40:31).
While I never in a million years would have asked God to put me through what I've been through, you couldn't pay me a million dollars to give up what I've learned through the experience. I now know who I am in Christ, and that, my friends, is worth every single tear I shed and every heartache I felt. I would go through it all all over again if I had to because there is nothing in the world that can compare with knowing the love of my Savior.